I have Crohn's

I have Crohn's...hmmm hang on I thought I had UC!!  Still trying to get my head around this.  I had my appointment last week, and was so nervous.  I was greeted by the Prof, so I kind of knew there and then with his hand shake that it wouldn't be good news.  Otherwise I would have been greeted by his Spr.  The news was I had ulcerations and deep fissures and biopsy show granuloma's.....he was getting too it but I said "So I have crohn's then!", "Yes" he said.  I was in tears and thumped the chair arm with my fist a few times, not my finest moment.  Apparently I'm in the lucky 5% of people who are diagnosed with UC, have pouch surgery and then are told they have Crohn's.  Well I don't want to be in the 5%.  


The plan is to have surgery to create an end-illeostomy (stoma) and defunction the pouch.  The Prof would not recommend more pelvic surgery because of my determination to have babies.  I am not mentally strong enough to have my pouch removed and bottom sewn up just yet.  We are hoping the Crohn's I have will be more manageable when its not being in use because of the stoma.  I am hoping for things to back to how they were before take-down only three months ago.  We are hoping that this will give me the best chance to be able to have children.


Meanwhile I am on two types of antibiotics which over the past two weeks have really helped things.  Going to the loo is less painful and I am taking less pain killers which is great.  The antibiotics are making me feel really sick and are notorious for giving you a bad tummy.  So my guts are really aching.  


Emotionally I'm all over the place, and feel so overwhelmed by the thought of having a permanent stoma even though it will be a huge relief when I have one again.  Luckily I start counselling in two weeks so that will help.  Surgery is three weeks away so I am trying to prepare myself.  I saw some great advice on-line which said to write yourself a letter which describes all the pain etc that you are going through so that on the days when you feel sorry for yourself and are maybe having troubles with your stoma you can be reminded that things used to be a lot worse.  I am writing my letter at the moment it is nearly three pages long and I haven't finished yet! lol


Wishing you all a happy day, keep strong x