Why am I putting myself through this? It is really tough to justify this pain because, I walked into this surgery happy and healthy and I have not benefited from it. I keep telling myself, short term pain for long term gain! but I think I'm kidding myself.
I had to call up the surgeons office again because I was really struggling and I could feel the stricture had narrowed again, making it difficult to empty my pouch. I was so lucky that my lovely doctor said he would see me in a side room on the ward as he was on call!! wow..I am blessed. It was lovely to see my nurse again who is always so sweet to me. As we waited, I noticed she was holding a tube of KY jelly, this sent me into a fit of giggles and the doctor walked up to me smiling. I said to him, she's got the KY we are good to go!! Once in the room I explained how I wasn't coping, the pain I was experiencing and how I really wasn't eating properly and was losing weight. He did an internal examination and said that the stricture was even worse than last time, he did digital dilation on the stricture, the pain of this was IMMENSE! The nurse came over and held my hand. The plan was that this would ease my symptoms and I may or may not need it again. He also wanted me to start eating better, with more fibre and salad....green things!!! eeek... foods I have basically avoided like the plague and to be honest have a huge phobia of. This would bulk my stool and also help me to empty easier. So I headed for the shops and stocked up on salads and fruit, wholemeal bread and bran flakes!
I noticed that after this last dilation the rectal pressure and rectal spasms has definitely worsened but it has become easier to empty my pouch. After a few days I decided that I needed some time at home and went to my mums house. I needed cheering up and a change of scene. I had such a lovely time with my family, it really helped me and took my mind off things. Reminding me that I have such a wonderful family and supportive partner who all want me to be well and happy. So I strive forwards, taking each day as it comes, I keep praying and mindful that "this too, shall pass".
L x
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