This time in two weeks I will probably be in a recovery bed, after having my rectum removed, j-pouch and loop illeostomy constructed. Wow!!! that's major! I got the call a week ago and I am feeling a mixture of emotions ranging from, nervous, excited, scared, happy,annoyed,angry,sad,overwhelmed. Mainly I am nervous, but I am trying to be courageous and keep positive Worrying will not change the outcome only use up my precious energy, so I am trying to give up negativity and think about all the positive things. Like how for the first time in years I will be able to say I'm DISEASE FREE!!!! How good does that sound.
Ultimately I have made an informed decision that I am happy with and that is the most important thing. I am well aware of the complications but to me its worth a go...I could be one of the lucky ones and this time next year could be writing about how my j pouch is working out for me...and telling you all the joys of butt burn!!! haha...that would be an interesting read.
I really want it too work, but if it doesn't I would live a content life with a stoma, in fact that is my main reason for being so upset. This may seem ridiculous to some people but I will mourn my stoma going, I love Winnie completely..she has totally saved my life and given me back ME!!! Lets hope this new stoma behaves just as lovely as Winnie has...a new name will be revealed when I have my new stoma :) yes people I'm a little mad, but it keeps me smiling.
I hope you are all doing well.
L x
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