A Bum Deal :(

So here it is, I’m writing it down and actually acknowledging that my bum REALLY hurts!! Apparently my doctors thought my proctitis would be fine now I’m not using my bum anymore.  I never was convinced and asked if I could do suppositories if needed.  It seems I have reached the point where I must tackle this.  I have been feeling pain and have been emptying my bum of a lot more blood than usual.  I feel upset that this is still happening but I will try and get on top of things.  Suppositories may just be the answer, but I was so enjoying leaving my bum well alone.  It really is a relentless, stubborn, nasty and cruel disease.  If I was listening to a friend saying this I would tell her, “You can’t just ignore this and think it will go away, do something about it.”  So I will heed my own advice and sort it out.  I really want it gone (my bum), sometimes I don’t even think I want a j-pouch, I just don’t want to have to make these decisions.   Oh dear! the pity party may just have arrived, oh how I hate a pity party!  I need a slap around the face, get a grip.  It’s only a sore bum, if I can cope with my colon trying to bleed me to death then I can cope with this.  I think a call to the consultant and a push for a date for surgery, or a gentle reminder that I’m still here coping with all this, is definitely in order.   Well I’m off to buy some KY!!! haha

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want too.

Well technically it wasn't my party, but a friend’s.  It was a great day despite crying before, during and after the party.  It was a significant step and a realisation of how far I've come on my UC journey.  A year ago I would not have been well enough to attend such do’s.  It was emotional for me to see childhood friends, which six months ago I never thought I’d see again.  Before the BBQ there was a tennis tournament and I sat on the bench in the courts watching the boys and girl! playing.   It was great, I sat comfortably without pain and without the fear of needing the toilet NOW! I didn’t need to be dosed up on drugs and I didn’t have diarrhoea.  Winnie (my stoma) took care of me.  It was a simple thing, just sitting there watching them all play tennis but it was an extremely wonderful moment of realisation.  That I’m so blessed to be alive and well, and to live in such a lovely part of the world with lovely friends.   

                I was worried people would see me differently now that I have a stoma, but they don’t.  It’s still the same and they are genuinely so pleased to see me look so well.  I was having a crisis of confidence in the morning, which is normal when you go through something like this.  I am having difficulty with my body image at the moment, and I’m working on getting my confidence back.  I still want to feel desirable and attractive, I’m still a passionate woman even with a stoma.  Why should I not be.   I find it hard to understand why my boyfriend would still love me, which is absolutely ridiculous as I know he does, we are childhood sweethearts.  In fact he has said to me, that he really didn’t like my colon one bit, but loves Winnie.  She has turned my life around.  I’m sure most ostomists go through this period of acceptance and adjustment.  Healing emotionally takes a lot longer than the physical side of things.  So my advice to myself and to others is take time, cry if you need to and remember you don’t have to be strong all the time, being vulnerable isn’t a sign of weakness.  It takes great strength and courage to be true to your real feelings.  

Toilet Roll Art

Hi,

I'm having a fabulous time looking at Pinterest http://pinterest.com/ at the moment, it's a virtual pinboard and great for getting inspiration.  I then came across some toilet roll art, and when I saw it I thought of you guys.  We all know as UC'ers or Ostomist's, we can get through a lot more toilet rolls than most.  You can find instructions and the source of this ingenious art from Tip Junkie.  
http://go.tipjunkie.com/dc/1016/www.justagirlblog.com/2011/05/art-of-toilet-paper-roll.html 


This may be just the perfect project for you.  Enjoy x

Why I don’t miss my Colon

• Im not on the loo 24/7.
• I can take a stroll along the Thames.
• I can wear skirts and dresses.
• My hair isn’t falling out in clumps anymore.
• Im not in pain all the time.
• For the first time in two years I don’t have chronic diarrhoea.
• I don’t have that need to go now feeling.
• I feel healthy.
• Im not on high doses of steroids.
• Im not on immunosupressants.
• I don’t have to do enemas!!! Woohoo thats a big plus.
• I spend more time with my boyfriend, family and friends.
• I had a curry the other night!!! can you believe it.
• I enjoy food.
• I am much happier.
• I can go to the cinema and be in the middle of the row, I enjoy the film without fear of needing to go to the loo.
• I have more control over my body.
• I can organise to do things, knowing I will be well enough.
• I think I might actually be able to be a mum one day.
• I appreciate life so much more.  Everything seems more beautiful.
• I feel closer to God.